Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
