Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
