On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
