i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Found the puke drawer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
