I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All the doctor said was why
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
