This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
