Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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