her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
