so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
