Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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