i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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