just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
