My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
