margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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