bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
