guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
