By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
