Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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