Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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