1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
