i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
