I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
