reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
