Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
