Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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