Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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