why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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