I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
