cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
