she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
