I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
