I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
