decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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