You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
