when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you never un-have a 4some
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
