I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
