just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
