The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
