so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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