she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
