All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
