I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
