I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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