I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
