there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
