did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
