he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
