He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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