It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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