hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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